It's like the Monster BFC and energy shot had a baby.

I wouldn’t hesitate to say that I’m a fan of the energy drinks made by the Monster Beverage Company. I found their concoctions too cloying for my tastes originally, but over time, the taste has grown on me, not unlike some kind of culture. By far my favourite is Monster Khaos, accurately described by my cohort, Gravecat as “A Monster-ized version of Relentless Inferno.” Not much more really needs to be said, if you’re familiar with both brands of caffeinated deliciousness.

But that’s not what I’m here for today. The reason I’m here is because my curiosity was piqued by a Red Bull-sized can, branded as Monster Export, which I’m informed is the European name for Monster Nitrous in the USA. The side of the can with the standard spiel says “Same big buzz, sexy little can”, and this confuses me, for you see, it actually contains less caffeine than the average can of Monster, at half the size. The can of Khaos I have here is 32mg of caffeine per 100ml, and Export contains slightly less, at 30.5mg of caffeine per 100ml. I’m not sure if this has something to do with laws surrounding ‘high caffeine content’ (when the average cup of coffee contains far, far more), or if it really is just silly marketing spiel.

Regardless of this confusion, it’s time to crack open the can and see what it’s like.

It smells like normal Monster. That unidentifiable “fruit” scent, mixed with the bitter acrid tones of B-vitamins and sucralose. Despite my constant vitriol-spewing towards my most hated of sweeteners, every Monster drink somehow manages to make that taste work in its favour. And you know what? It tastes just like regular Monster, too. Cloyingly sweet, impossibly fruity with flavours unknown to man (unlike the distinguishable “bubblegum” flavour with Rockstar and Relentless’ “energy drink” flavour.) It used to make me cringe in horror a year back, but now, its sweetness and odd candy-like flavour is a welcome flavour on my tastebuds. Except Monster Ripper, which really does just take it one step too damn far.

There’s a reason for this. Coca-Cola Enterprises has actually been rebranding things, as revealed in this article from The Publican. This of course has caused confusion with US friends who have an entirely different (and far broader) range of Monster cans. Ultimately, this isn’t a UK version of Monster Nitrous, it’s just a smaller, weaker can to match with the more common 250ml range of energy drinks. That’s not to say it’s bad, just wholeheartedly disappointing, as what I’m receiving in the end is half the deliciousness I wanted.

I can’t honestly say to buy this. Just go and find yourself a normal 500ml can of the Monster of your choice, and enjoy.