I actually have a guest review to put up this time from the quite lovely Kite, and decided that keeping with the theme, I’d put up a review of two “premium”/natural energy drinks. Ain’t the usual thoroughfare of bouncing off the walls on entirely too much caffeine, but still deserving of a place.

First up, Kite with Go Girl Glo:

Someone gave me a can of Go-Girl Glo.  This drink claims to ‘promote healthy skin’ somehow, as well as having less caffeine andcalories than most other energy drinks.  Since I am not currently falling asleep at my desk, I figure this could be a good thing.  Whether or not it -is- a good thing has yet to be seen.  The can is turquoise and silver, with GO GIRL emblazoned across the center with GLO down below in somewhat difficult-to-read letters.  At first I assumed the drink was called Go Girl, but no, that’s the brand.

The flavor, according to the side of the can, is “derived from a refreshing combination of pomegranate and star fruit.”  Now, star fruit tastes pretty weird, but I’m something of a fan of pomegranate.  Hopefully the lower calories doesn’t mean artificial sweeteners.  Let’s look at the ingredient list.

Wow, that’s hard to read.  White on silver.

Liquid sucrose.  That’s not so bad.

Wait, what?  “Super Citrimax”?  Trademarked?  Can they seriously do that?

Ah well, let’s see how this thing tastes.

The strange concoction smells sweet, with an unknown sort of fruity flavor.  Probably the star fruit.  It doesn’t smell cloyingly sweet, so with luck it won’t coat my tongue.  Time to take the dive.

Not bad.  The fruit is a fairly light flavor, and the sweetness isn’t too –wait, no, I take it back.  The aftertaste is a lingering sweetness that more or less overwhelms anything else after a few seconds.  Not as tasty as I had hoped.  Where’s all that sweet coming from?  I hope it’s not ‘Super Citrimax’ considering I have no idea what comprises that.

Oh look, turning the can around I see that it’s a mild herbal appetite suppressant.  This does not sound nice considering I’m drinking it with my lunch.  Oops.  I suppose since it’s marketed to women, it has to have -something- to cater to the stereotypical self-image issues of the female gender.  I hate marketing.

Overall I’d say this thing gets a 3 out of 5.  The taste isn’t bad – if a bit too sweet for my particular taste buds, especially the aftertaste.  I do wish it had a bit more pomegranate flavor in there.  If you’re looking for something that doesn’t give you jitters followed by a hard crash though, the lower caffeine content (only 75mg) is a nice change.  I could do without the appetite suppressant, but how can you go wrong with something that’s supposed to help make your skin healthier?

And now, my turn with an old favourite, Purdey’s.

I’ve loved Purdey’s I was a little kid. I remember there being a gold bottle variety too, but I haven’t seen it in a long time. Either way, this drink claims “to help towards your well-being and provide a healthy and immediate way to feel refreshed at any time.”

So does it? In my experience, short answer yes. Long answer: Yeeeeeeeeeeeee-

Though really, it’s a good drink, though expensive. UK readers may find it on a BOGOF (buy one get one free) offer at their local Holland & Barratt. The bottle is an imposing silver thing that looks almost futuristic, or like something you’d expect to find at a Pret A Manger. The bottle is glass, so has a pretty nice weight to it, if a little oversized in my tiny hands.

The smell is pretty unique to Purdey’s. I’ve never encountered another drink that smells (or tastes) quite like it. The smell is very bitter, almost like a sour apple. Which is natural, I guess, since it contains B vitamins and apple juice. For the more sensitive noses, ginseng is also a pretty prominent scent too. And really, aside some grape juice and other vitamins, there’s not much more to it. A simple concoction without a mile-long ingredient list. I approve.

The taste? It’s good! A fruit flavour that may well be the original “energy drink” tang, but not nearly as sugary. The bitterness of the B vitamins somehow complement the flavour, and it turns into a particularly refreshing, pleasant drink. I’ve loved Purdey’s since I was little, so it’s hard to explain much more. But it could well be the one “original” energy drink in my eyes. UK readers, do try and nab yourselves a bottle of what I would refer to as a quintessential British drink.

Last up, the one I’ve probably mentioned to everybody and the kitchen sink; Pussy.

I confess, it was curiosity and a bargain price at the Yeovilton Air Day that made me review this. I’ve heard of it, and every time I look at the can I want to snort loudly like a schoolkid. Particularly the blurb where it states the name “creates talkability”. No, it creates a bunch of students going up to everybody and asking for Pussy/offering Pussy. This is more disastrous than the Wii. Mostly because it’s more internationally humourous.

The can is nice. It’s minimalistic, and has a crest that…I don’t know, is supposed to inspire thoughts of frat houses? Given its name, I’d wager it was designed in frat house. At the bottom, in a nice cursive font is “100% Natural Ingredients”, and I wonder, just for a moment, how artificial it will taste. Time to crack it open.

It smells just like passionfruit. Which is bizarre, since it claims to be lychee flavoured, and you know what was definitely lychee flavoured? NeuroSport. Regardless, there’s really no other flavour in there. No bitterness, no ginseng smell, nothing.

Wait, hold on. *looks at blurb, looks at ingredients list* There’s no lychee juice here, and since it’s natural, no flavourings to make it like that! How can it be lychee when it contains none? You can’t just…magic flavour out of grape and lime juice! How does it even smell of passionfruit?! asfhljkewhrwgjwgnkweghgh-

Okay, okay, I’m tasting. I’m drinking my can of Pussy juic-*snrk*

This…this isn’t lychee. I’m honestly disappointed. I’m not even sure what the hell it tastes like. The passionfruit flavour is there, but now it’s smothered with…apparently white grape? And the ‘botanical extracts’ part, which amount to *breath* Guruana, Siberian Ginseng, Milk Thistle, Gingko Biloba, Schizandra and Sarsaparilla. No wonder it’s so confused about what to taste like. I still don’t know where the passionfruit flavour comes from. ¯\(°_0)/¯

I really don’t know what to make of this. It’s not an atrocity, it’s just…I don’t….my brain hurts. I’m gonna go lay down for a bit.

Seriously, what the hell.