It was…

I’ll never…

There aren’t even enough words in the English vocabulary to fully express what I have experienced. The distinctly uneasy knot in my stomach is still there and I feel every breath is desperately swallowing down a mixture of stomach acid and bile that in part, I really don’t want to remain contained.

Lucozade Alert Plus energy shot. I really thought that I had hit the apex of bilious, barely-stomachable substances when I first let the bitter taste of a Relentless Energy Shot touch my tongue. I even went as far as forewarning others (who, it’s worth noting, never heeded my warning) of the nauseating substance those pitch black phials contained.

Aparrently, I was wrong.

I’m a fan of Lucozade, and not much more proof is needed than the eighteen empty bottles of Cherry Lucozade that litter my room like short, fat baseball bats. But this thing is an affront to mankind, and quite frankly, the most disgusting thing I have ever consumed in my life. All 50ml of it.

Cracking it open, I peer inside and am greeted with a liquid that it completely clear. It just looks like a 50ml bottle of water. It claimed to be orange flavour, but no distinct smell was there, even if I pressed my nose against the rim of the bottle. A vague sickly sweet, penicillin-like scent of sucralose touched my olfactory senses, causing me to nearly gag right there and then.  On taste, a mere quarter of the bottle touched my tongue, and I instantly felt my stomach churn, fighting off an instinctive dry heave as the aftertaste left behind once swallowed encompassed entirely too many bad memories. You know that salty, unstoppable salivation you get, when you know you’re going to throw up in the next ten seconds? That is the aftertaste of this vile concoction.

Oh, I drank the whole bottle. I’m not a coward, and I wasn’t going to let some B-vitamins and artificial sweeteners beat me. Still. I’m sitting here with a stomach that is angrily churning at me, and not feeling that energised at all.

Addendum: Contrary to some beliefs that this poor experience was due to my hypersensitivity to chemicals, it was not. Double-checking with a bottle of Relentless Energy Shot, I found the taste was not just palatable, but enjoyable in contrast to the positively emetic Lucozade Alert Plus.